Thoughts about Valentine's Day, 2012

Today is a day where some people look forward to on their calendars; whereas, others tend to dread it from the moment the daily calendar switches over for the brief 24-hour period.

In recent years, I have been one of the people in the latter category when it comes to St. Valentine's Day. For a better part of the past decade, I've been part of a personal and emotional embargo whenever the date February 14th comes around. I've had a stigma where I didn't think there was anyone out there who would be willing to accept my heart for what it was; a battered and bruised organ based on the hardships I've faired in previous relationships. For the majority of women I have been involved with in the past, for the most part they usually end our relationship because they had found someone new, or there was some other guy waiting in the wings whom the lady had eyes for. It is because of this why I had been hesitant for so long to enter into another relationship.  That all changed on a Monday last October.

It's funny how some things work sometimes. I had dated women online previously, and for the most part, things worked out great, but eventually, the relationship would end in the same fashion as always: I would be ditched in favour of someone else. There was a couple exceptions to this where it was a mutual decision by both of us to part ways. Both of these splits were difficult because with one, I was engaged to them for a short period; the other would no longer be amongst us within 2 years after the split (health reasons). It was after the second mutual split -- and her passing -- where I was in a downard spiral, and while I had attempted a couple relationships after, my head and heart were never fully in sync with one another.

Fast forward to this past autumn where I first started chatting with a remarkable young woman from a city 130 miles west of yours truly. She had observed me online through my Twitter feed for months after I had posted my account name on the National Novel Writing Month message forums. I don't know what took me so long to acknowledge her eventually, but had I known back in November 2010 that I do now, I would not have waited so long to talk to her. Once I did, it started to spread somewhat quickly; like a brushfire. Our tweets became texts which would eventually evolve into instant messaging. However, the coup de grace was that aforementioned Monday last October.

Monday, October 17th, 2011 to be precise. I would take a huge leap of faith and traverse the 130 miles to meet this young woman and spend the day with her. She was somewhat of a shy person at first; probably as nervous as I was because she too was taking a risk on that day to meet a guy she had only been talking to online. Regardless, we would spend the day walking along the banks of the winding river within her city, enjoying a beverage at a location of our favourite coffee shop chain, and just appreciating each other's company. While I decided to take things slow, I saw there was potential; there was something in the back of my head that thought she was a very special woman.

We would meet up twice more in November during National Novel Writing Month, and it was at that point, I began to become more comfortable around her. So much so, that I began to develop feelings towards her; feelings I hadn't felt for anyone in a very long time. Admittedly, I was hesitant because I was unsure if they were mutual. However, after spending a good chunk of December without seeing her (and going through my own personal demons at the time; of which she's been a staunch supporter in my battle to heal myself from them), when I saw her over New Year's, I decided to throw all caution to the wind and tell her how I felt. While she suspected they were brewing within me, she did not share them mutually at first; an admission I completely understood. But while most guys would take it as a slap in the face, I remained committed to my vow.

As 2012 started, it would be weeks until we saw each other again. Admittedly, I began to have doubts about whether I was a fool for professing my feelings towards the young lady. Had I scared her off? Would they ever be mutual? The hardest part was not only the unknowing of whether she felt the same way for me as I did her, but would I ever see her again. Then, Cupid started to poke his head around and when the calendar changed to February, I would learn that she and I would see each other again. Upon hearing the news, my feelings of doubt began to melt away and what I had felt at the end of 2011 came bubbling back, but the uncertainty was still there. Was it still mutual?

I often joke about the day we were reunited: Super Bowl Sunday. To this day I shake my head over the fact that during the big game, advertisers in the U.S. paid $3.5 Million for a 30-second commercial to hype their wares. While a truckload of money might have been a sound investment to them, they could not have compared to a simple message that was scribed with a turquoise fountain pen on a sheet of journal paper that had made the previous 3-1/2 months all the worthwhile.

So today, it is our first Valentine's Day "together", and while she might not approve of the method of how I scribed this little "love note", I just have to come right out and say it...


My dearest Jen,

For nearly the past 4 months, you have seen me at my highest of highs, and my lowest of lows. You have been and continue to be a wonderful girlfriend, confidante, and best friend. And while, I know you have observed my faults, I vow to you to continue to battle through them, and still do my best to be the best boyfriend that I can possibly be.

In that short time, you have become my "raison d'être", and I can not imagine a day in my life since we first met without you in it in some capacity. You have helped the Leaf fan that has been buried deep within my psyche to come out and embrace the Blue and White again. (Although, around my roommate, I still have to put up the Sens facade.)

I guess what I'm trying to say is my feelings towards you when I professed it at the start of 2012 not only have remained, but have grown even more. That's why I am thankful to be "spending" my Valentine's Day with you.

I love you, Jen. Now, and for as long as you're willing to let me.

Love,
Doug


Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.